I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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