I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.