Christians are straight up FREAKS
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?