so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.