I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
