the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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