he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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