she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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