I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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