allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
