I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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