Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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