wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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