My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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