does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
