I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
