Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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