listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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