we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
