WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
