I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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