can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
