There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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