Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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