At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
