She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
His nipple licking is glorious
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