I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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