i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
