I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
