see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
