I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
