I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
