I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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