I am spending my child support on dildos
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
