do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
