My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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