We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
