Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
