The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
