i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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