We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
