So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
