can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
