Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
