That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
