Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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