I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
