I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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