If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
