Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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