So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
