I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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