My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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