If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
