Non-Jews are for practice
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
