I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize