Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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