yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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