i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
